Relationships…

Okay I’m starting to get worried now. The last time I spoke to Jock was Thursday evening. It’s been  4 whole days now and we haven’t exchanged a word. How long do you think you need to leave it before you class yourself as officially single? Not that I want to be of course…. It just doesn’t appear to be going very well.

I’m forever changing and swapping my shifts to make sure that I can get time off that coincides with his. I genuinely want to change my life around to match his. I genuinely want to spend time with him. I’ve not felt like that about a guy in a really long time. The thing is he needs to start paying me the same respect back. It can’t keep being me changing my life to suit him all the time, can it? Ugh. Could I have fucked this all up over a temper tantrum?

I basically told him that I was sick of chopping and changing my life when he doesn’t do the same right back for me. He deliberately chose to go out at the weekend rather than seeing me and what makes things even worse is the fact that we haven’t exchanged a single word. I think he’s pissed. He probably things I’m pissed. It’s a total breakdown in communication but he can get fucked if he thinks I’m making the first move. He did this. He changed our plans. He clearly wasn’t that bothered about seeing me otherwise we wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place, would we?

I know that if I message him, things will probably go right back to the way they were before. But I shouldn’t have to. I don’t chase. I’m not into playing these games with him. He hurt my feelings by choosing his friends over me, especially when he makes such a big deal about seeing me and made me promise him that I’d see him Sunday. Then he didn’t even bother getting back to me at all? It seems like such a petty, childish fight but I’m not gonna lie, it’s starting to really get to me. I cried last night. I genuinely cried. I can’t remember the last time I had a boy cry! It was horrible and I didn’t like it. I’m sad and lonely when he doesn’t talk to me. But again, although I know I can make things better just by messaging him, I don’t see why I should have to. This wasn’t my doing; it was his.

I hate this part of a relationship when the fights start. It makes me wonder if it’s really worth all the hassle. We’re only five months in and we’re already at the point where a fight prevents us from talking for FOUR days! We haven’t gone 4 days without talking since we first met – that very first day. I don’t understand what’s going on.

So what do I do? Swallow my pride and message him to find out what the fuck is going on? I’m a stubborn bitch so every ounce of my being is making sure I don’t message him first. We can’t exactly continue on like this though. We are meant to be going to The Redneck’s birthday party together on Saturday night…. It’s now Monday. How many more days are we going to go without saying a word to each other? Is he waiting for me to make the first move?

This is why I fucking hate relationships.